mystery solved.

you can't use ultra-pasturized cream to make butter. it just won't work. however, if you just want something creamy to spread on toast (score!), you're in business. thanks for the advice, brother john. and thanks to the tipster who let me know that bloomingfoods west will soon (or very soon, anonymous tipster adds mysteriously) be carrying rogue smokey blue cheese. i've never had that particular type, and rogue isn't exactly local (for me anymore), but i can't wait. rogue blue cheese is pretty much my favorite thing to eat. yeah, i know.